Parallel parking
by Egregrisiousity
Summary: The ominous adventures of a frivolous child on a quest for chaos... with mentions of hugs and kisses.


**Parallel parking**

Naruto sat one a rooftop watching people going through the gate of Konoha. Merchants, immigrants, customers, nobles… there was always something to look at.  
It was his pastime when he skipped out of classes in the academy. Today he'd done it for personal reasons; at least that's what he was planning to tell his teacher once he'd been caught. The real reason had something to do with an embarrassing run-in he'd had with a fellow student which had sparked his instinct for self-preservation, and so he planned to give the girl time to cool down a little.  
So, here he was; delinquent student of the ninja academy watching strangers file through a gate.  
It made him smile. A family of five moved through it and a young girl among them looked up and met his eyes. He winked at her and she looked away blushing. It made him get off his ass and tail the family on their walk through Konoha.  
Somewhat worryingly they led him in the direction of the academy. He was having fun trying to keep up with them and stay out of sight on the rooftop. He knew it was something ninja did; jumping between rooftops, so he did it as well. He'd almost failed to make it across a few times and had had the air knocked out of his lungs one time when he slammed into the roof, catching the edge with the tips of his fingers. Perhaps he should attend lessons more often if they taught some trick to avoid that sort of thing…  
It didn't sound like something Iruka-sensei would bother to cover in class though, busy as he was with history lessons.  
The family passed through the entrance to the academy grounds and Naruto was suddenly given the unfamiliar task of sneaking _into _the academy. Usually he was looking for ways to get out… but it was an interesting task, and he'd have to do it quickly if he wanted to see where the family was going.  
From the next rooftop over he'd the wooden fence would be just within his reach and from there it looked like he might get into a tree in the courtyard, and further on from there. He had no time for indecision; only for acting. His aerial maneuver was picture perfect: first onto the next rooftop, landing in a roll and then onto the fence, somehow finding just the right balance to land on a branch of the tree next.  
He grinned to himself and looked down just in time to see which entrance the family passed through. He was stumped for a moment: he couldn't follow them inside without going inside and thus would no longer live up to his game of pursuit from above. His mind cracked it quickly though; he'd move on to the next tree over, jump onto the building without touching the ground and then climb up one level before going in through an open window. It would still count if he got in and tracked them without being spotted.  
Fueled by his success and utter confidence Naruto went through the movements decisively and quickly made it onto the building, holding onto a rain gutter. From there he used his considerable skill to get upwards and came through the window just in time to hear his name called out.  
"Uzumaki Naruto?"  
"Yes sensei?" His response came as it had been conditioned to and he silently cursed himself as he realized what had just happened: he'd somehow managed to sneak into his own classroom just in time to answer the first roll-call of the day. He quickly got into a seat, only then realizing that the girl who was angry at him was sitting right next to him. He pretended not to see the hate-filled glare she was directing at him, for once using the act of listening to the teacher to tune something else out.  
Listening to an explanation of how to read a map and figure out your position on it by triangulating your position against landmarks was much more interesting when it let him forget about his impending doom.  
Panic entered his eyes when the first break came up and the teacher left the room.  
Instincts told him to duck and he quickly obeyed them, also following them in parrying the follow-up kick from the pissed off girl. "Hey let's not be hasty Yamanaka-chan…" He ducked again and weaved around her attacks. "I can assure you your profile looked quite fetching from the window…" "DIE PERVERT SCUM!"  
Naruto yelped and continued to dodge the violent girl. "Really it was just an accident I swear…" he rolled under a table and ducked behind another student, who promptly betrayed him in the role of acting human shield by getting out of the way. "DIE!"  
The chaos they were causing was quite to his benefit as no one had had time to realize what was going on, which likely was the reason why the girl's friends weren't joining in, and people were getting in the way of her still not realizing the danger. They were three minutes into the wild chase when she overextended herself in her anger and he used a little trick from taijutsu training to pin her against the wall.  
"Let. Me. Go." "Promise to act nice?" "Not on your life."  
"I suppose I'll keep holding you then."  
"Fucking pervert."  
Naruto sweat-dropped. "We're ten, it's not like you have any…" "Finish that sentence and die." "Now let me just explain myself…" "Alright let me go and you can talk."  
Reluctantly he did so, only to have to dodge her blows once more. Somehow he managed to read her wild attacks and continue to stay on the safe until she slowed down and just stood there glaring at him.  
"Tired princess?"  
She huffed and headed back to her seat, though he could see the sweat on her brow and hear her heavy breathing. "Break's almost over." She spoke that over her shoulder and he grinned before nonchalantly walking up to her and taking the seat again, throwing an arm over her shoulder. "I knew we could come an understanding." "Don't. Push it." He laughed and let go of her "whatever you say Yamanaka-chan."  
Looking around he found a few tables upturned and what other results there had been of their escapade. He whistled softly. "What now?"  
The voice beside him sounded rather defeated and weary. "Quite a mess we've made; I almost feel at home." The look she gave him told him she'd now placed him far off in the wrong end of a sanity scale. Unfortunately their teacher came in before he could correct the misunderstanding.  
The lesson wasn't really drawing his attention at this point but he'd gotten the gist of it already so he didn't care, preferring to compose a poem on his notes to the girl next to him.  
_Roses are red  
Violets are blue  
Your anger is fetching  
And I love you_  
It wasn't his best work but it was enough to make her laugh and draw the attention of the teacher, which quickly made her compose herself.  
_Your anger is a manger  
And your fist is a stranger  
_She gave him a weird look and he shrugged, not quite sure where he was going with that.  
_To be apart is to pain to the heart  
In the art your flesh stands apart  
How can we stay forever in thwart?  
Thwart the thwart  
and give me your heart.  
_She seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face and he pouted when she turned so she'd no longer have his paper within her sight. For that reason he drew doodles on it instead and waited for the next break.  
"May I join you for lunch Yamanaka-chan?"  
She stared at him for a moment before giving a shrug and he grinned at her, following merrily as she went to sit outside with her lunchbox in hand.  
"Where's your food?"  
"In your hand."  
She stared at him. "You're not having my food."  
He blinked confusedly. "What am I supposed to eat then?"  
"Idiot, didn't you bring anything?"  
He shrugged. "Didn't plan on showing up today but then I stumbled on the classroom by accident so I had to stick around…" "You're fucking crazy, you know that?" "And you have a bad mouth Yamanaka-chan, that's the second time you've used that word today." "You're still not getting my food."  
She'd just sat down, opened her box and taken a piece of something into her hand. Her obvious challenge made him sit down very close beside her, lean in and steal the food right off her fingers with his mouth.  
"Tastes good, did you cook it?" He'd turned his head so his face was inches from her as he spoke and she sat with mouth open. She blushed deeply and tried to jump backwards, leaving Naruto to desperately grab the box she'd been about to throw on the ground. "Hey don't throw away our food; I'll go hungry if you do." She grabbed it from him and he laughed before lying down with his head on the grass. They were in the shade since the day was growing hot and he quite liked feeling the wind on his face.  
Opening his eyes he was surprised to see her still sitting there, watching him suspiciously. Most kids would have run off by now in his experience.  
"Seriously why do you do all those stupid things?"  
He gave her a smile that tended to make girls swoon or blush and look away, and sure enough it worked to make her blush now. "All part of my charm _Yamanaka-chan_…" He drew out her name for a bit and laughed when he mouth dropped. Then he reached out and stole a bite from her box. "It's really good, did you make it?" "Flattery will get you nowhere Mister."  
He winked at her. "Got me this far, didn't it?"  
She sighed and looked away. "Heavens know how."  
"I like to make games for myself; do you ever do that?"  
She blinked. That was another thing that tended to scare people off; he liked to make random changes in conversations just by sort of throwing things out there. Personally he just couldn't stand conversations simply going by the flow so he'd decided people could avoid him all they wanted; he wasn't changing.  
"What sort of games?"  
He shrugged. "Like I'll find some objective and set some parameters for carrying it out… like going to a training ground without anyone seeing me go there…" He was back to lying in the grass, but still reached out and grabbed a bite from her box blindly.  
"Why would you do that?" He shrugged "keeps things interesting… want to make one more me?"  
She was quiet for a moment. "Alright act as my boyfriend for the rest of today since you're set on doing that anyhow, and act like we've been going out for years. Like act natural and composed."  
"Alright" Naruto thought for a moment and then rolled over and sat at her side, sharing her lunch more freely. "How does being my boyfriend give you any right to my food?"  
He shrugged. "Why do you think I'm going out with you?" Seeing her look he quickly went on "other than your radiant looks, charm and personality of course." He took another bite from the box, and then changed his mind holding it out for her to eat. "Open up."  
Not to be outdone she fed him as well after obeying.

Walking into the classroom with their hands locked together was actually quite amusing with the scene they'd put on earlier making everyone stare at them.  
"How did that happen, are the two of you bipolar or something?"  
"Ah, we made up again from our little love spat; you'll get it when you're older Kiba-chan."  
"Hey!"  
"Down boy."  
Naruto had timed it so that Kiba had to not assault him as a teacher stepped through the door. Unlike Ino he wasn't worried about him remembering a minor thing like that after the lesson so it was quite safe. He fell in line with Ino on walking to the training ground with the class and inquired about her mother's health. Ino gave him a disturbed look but it didn't matter. "Ah that's good, do you think I can come around tonight?" The girl blinked and then got a look of mischief in her eyes. "As long as it's today I suppose."  
"Uh Ino, why are you hanging out with the class-clown?"  
"And why wouldn't she be hanging out with her boyfriend Sakura-san?"  
The girl missed a step and stared at them. "Boyfriend?" Sakura's voice was oddly squeaky.  
"Haven't you told her Ino, you're ashamed of me are you?" He gave the girl the look of a kicked puppy.  
She kissed his cheek. "Haven't come up that's all."  
He raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps this could work as an announcement then…" he pulled his arms around her and kissed her for five seconds flat, even managing a slight nibbling of her lower lip.  
The class had gone oddly quiet and Ino was looking ready to kick him. He winked at her before turning to his teacher, who was also staring at his strangest of students. "Shouldn't we be throwing sharp objects at something?" Apparently his diversion had worked as Ino allowed him to hold her hand again and Iruka indeed did organize the start of their practice.

Given that he was always in his element when at the center of some kind of chaos Naruto was taking his role as boyfriend quite seriously. When school was up he led her on a scenic route back to her place, pausing at a few stalls to get her some sweets and a thing silver necklace he thought would look nice on her. Playing all lovey-dovey was surprisingly fun.  
Of course when he made it to her house, inside her clan's compounds and knocked on the door while holding her hand things got a little awkward as her father opened the door.  
"Hey dad, Ino-chan said I could come into today but I thought I'd best check with you first, you don't mind do you?" He was already taking off his footwear and pulling Ino with him inside by the time the man said something.  
"What exactly is the meaning of this?" There was a thin layer of killing intent bearing down on Naruto at this point but Naruto ignored it. "Why do you always go off like this dad? I was here this morning too you know…" He had in fact been chased away from the compound in the early hours of the day, followed by a chase led by the man after Ino had burst out screaming.  
"Who's this Ino dear?" A woman was in the door and Naruto suddenly found an ally in keeping his manly parts intact until the night was up.  
Ino spoke with a slight laugh. "Don't be silly mom, he's my boyfriend, Naruto; name ring a bell?"  
"Oh of course, Naruto, how are you sweets?" The woman seemed quite willing to play along.  
"Quite well mom, thanks for asking." He quickly positioned Ino between himself and her dad. "Really, I think everyone's a bit forgetful today, I had to kiss Ino-chan in front of everyone to remind them she's my girlfriend." He rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "Mmm, did I mention you're a great kisser?" Ino's words made him fear for his life.  
"Ah, Inoichi dear, can you set the table for one more?" Saved on the bell it would seem.  
Dinner was a tense affair and Naruto refrained from trying to feed his "girlfriend". At least the food was a lot better than what he usually ate, which it had better be since he was risking his life to eat it.  
When it was over he quickly dragged Ino out of her seat. "Ah thanks for the food mom, it was wonderful as always. I'll have her back by eight dad, don't worry." He was leaving at a pace somewhere in between running for his life and acting the long-time boyfriend of the girl behind him.  
"Don't suppose there's been a class on going underground for a few years that I skipped and you took thorough notes on sweetie?" "Not to my memory no, why?" "Oh, you know, just out of curiosity." He was taking her to the top of the Hokage monument, taking random detours to shake any pursuers.  
His quick changes of direction led to him bumping into someone he hadn't seen who was wearing a white cloak. The man turned and Naruto froze and felt Ino squeeze his hand painfully tight.  
"Ah, Hokage-sama, didn't see you there…" he gave an awkward laugh which he covered by a cough.  
"Hmm, you should pay attention to your surroundings my boy, I'm sure it's in the academy curriculum somewhere."  
"Aha, yes sorry see, I get distracted when I'm with my girlfriend here Hokage-sama."  
"Ah yes, young love."  
Ino was giving him an over-the-top panicked expression, trying to convey the message of cutting the charade. "Yes, she's quite sweet, we shan't take more of your time Hokage-sama…" he quickly made a bow and returned to his fleeing from Ino's surely-in-pursuit dad.  
"That was…" "A minor bump in the road sweetie…"  
The girl sighed resignedly. "Where are we going anyway?"  
"You'll see."  
She gave him a suspicious look when he changed course and started for a dirt road that led up in a zigzag pattern up to the top of the mountain. She gasped when the village came into view before them and Naruto grinned. "How is that for a date Yamanaka-chan?" He pulled her to sit with him staring out at the village. "Are we allowed to come here?" Naruto shrugged. "I've found it's often best not to ask my dear." She laughed and leaned against his shoulder.  
They sat there for a while in silence.  
"I'd best get you back or your dad really will kill me."  
"Mom won't let him."  
"Let's not take the chance…" He got to his feet and pulled her with him, slowly making his way back to her home. One minute before his self-imposed deadline they stood in front of the door and Naruto confidently stepped up and kissed the girl again, mostly because he'd liked it last time. "I had fun sweetie, see you tomorrow…" He'd drawn back just in time to let her father get a look at them kissing and he gave her one last peck after speaking, before using a body switch jutsu with a nearby trash bin and running as fast as his feet could take him, caution taking the better part of valor.

When he woke next morning Naruto sent a silent prayer of thanksgiving to whatever gods were up there and took his time in getting ready for another day at school. That's to say he found his way to the shower and even took the time to eat breakfast and pack a lunch for himself.  
When he opened his front door he jumped.  
"Ah, Yamanaka-san I can explain…"  
"I'd like to say that if I ever see you touch my girl again I know where you live."  
The man was gone a moment later and Naruto repeated his prayer with renewed fervor.

He sat down near the back of the classroom and hummed an odd tune, not even looking up when Ino entered the room.  
"Not gonna greet your girlfriend Naruto?"  
"I don't have a girlfriend. Did you eat something funny in the trash again Kiba-chan?"  
Kiba stared at him and Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What, back-talk? Did your sister hit your head too hard again?" He gave the boy a mock concerned frown.  
"Seriously how'd you and Ino hook up?"  
"What are you talking about? I haven't hooked up with anyone, least of all her. What's with everyone today? Her dad was at my house this morning saying some warning or another as well, I wasn't really listening." In the corner of his eye he could see Ino talking to her friends as well, also paying no attention to him. She was a devious one… causing chaos just by acting normal, there should be a law against that type of thing.  
Naruto answered readily to the roll-call and sunk into a funk of thinking up a way of getting out of classes for the day. At least until he realized Iruka was talking about the possibility of kunouchi using their viles to sow confusion and distractions in battle and other things, something he miraculously made sound boring with his teacher voice so the boy tuned him out again.  
"Perhaps you'd like to illustrate with Ino Naruto?"  
"Uh, what were you saying Iruka-sensei, I wasn't paying attention and what would the Yamanaka chick have to do with it?" "I'm not gonna kiss him."  
Iruka seemed to give up on himself at that point and went back to something about the second Hokage.

Naruto didn't speak to Ino until near the end of lunch period.  
"Don't suppose you've thought up another game?"  
She jumped. "Hey, don't sneak up on me like that." He shrugged. "Thought of something?"  
She laughed. I'll let you know tomorrow.

* * *

Author's note:  
So here's another strange crack story... give me some nice reviews and I _might _get around to doing another chapter, not that my track record is too good on that... Well thanks for reading and for all your love. "Hugs and kisses."


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